Let’s Talk About Something Different – My Coming Out Story

Despite the fact that this has nothing to do with yuri, I got the request to talk about this by a regular visitor of the blog and decided to just do it. Maybe some of you will find it interesting. Though, skip this one if you’re not up for personal stories. 😛

So, let’s begin.

I guess I found out that I might prefer the same gender when I was like 13 or 14. I met a girl online on a forum about the band we both liked back then and started writing emails back and forth. Funnily, she had found me thanks to a super embarrassing and badly written fanfiction I posted on the forum. (Nope, I don’t do this anymore, in case you were wondering: P)

We decided to meet after a very long time of just texting and talking online, and as it turned out, we were both interested in each other, and boom, I got my first girlfriend. Thinking back, it’s funny how this all worked out. My friends had actually always told me I’d never get a boyfriend, since I was (and still am) shy, and I’d rather stay at home than go out and meet people. In the end, I turned out to be the first to get into a relationship, and when I finally told them about it, I got a lot of mixed reactions.

It was on the way back home from watching a movie, and it was basically all my close friends back then. One of them asked me if I had ever been in love before—since I naturally never talked about these kinds of things—and that’s when I came out to my friends. My closest friend at the time didn’t say anything and just stayed silent for the whole ride back, one started crying, another one hugged me, and another one just asked me about sex. It was seriously some weird reactions, and I’d rather they all just hugged me and told me that it’s awesome, but oh well. 😛

It’s a really nerve-racking thing to do, and they all pretty much accepted it, even though, from this point on, I became like the most interesting person to them, getting all kinds of questions about basically anything related to that.

To my family, however, I never really came out like that. I never said it out loud, but it’s like a truth everyone knows, yet I feel like even if no one would ever openly say anything against it, they’d still all rather see me with a guy. Well, I don’t talk that much with my dad, and maybe he was actually pretty happy that I didn’t get with a guy… Well, for “dad” reasons, because they need to protect their daughters and whatnot. My mom on the other hand was really open about it at first, always cooking for my girlfriend and I, and in general being really friendly with her. In fact, she even went as far as whenever my then girlfriend would stay over (it was a long-distance relationship so that wasn’t very often), she would put an unopened box of tissues on my bed, Since, you know… Yeah, anyway…. That happened quite a few times and always made me roll my eyes, but oh well, it was a nice gesture I guess. : P

Maybe they all thought it was just a phase and I would get over it, since they at some point started questioning me about one of my male friends. Like, asking if he had a girlfriend, and my grandma even went as far as basically trying to talk me into liking him, always saying something like: “Oh, he’s so tall and good-looking, and he must have a lot of money.” Because that’s what matters… . 😛

It made me question if they really knew that I’m just not into guys and actually thought I was interested in him since I visited him on the weekend every week. Though, then again, I’m not someone to talk a lot and often about personal things, so how would they know anyway?

In the end, I think my parents were just worried that they wouldn’t get any grandchildren, but luckily, I have a sister and she just got married, so I guess that takes that responsibility away from me. 😀

Oh well, this was not really a coming out story and rather a story about how I feel the people in my environment feel about this unspoken truth, sorry about that. 😛


Though, since I was also asked about how Germany in general views homosexuality, let me just answer this question real quick as well.

Germany is a rather open country when it comes to this. It took a damn long time for gay marriage to become legal – it in fact only happened this year, but it’s been something people had fought for for a while now anyway.

I’m actually living in a village, and, of course, people view this topic a little differently here, but it’s getting better even in these smaller communities (where a lot of older people live). Tolerance is probably the word to use here. Unfortunately, acceptance is still a little further away, in some parts. People will look or more like stare at you if you walk around holding hands with another girl, but they won’t say anything, and I guess it’s just a rare sight in villages anyway. It’s not as much of an issue in bigger cities. Well, of course it makes a difference if it’s two girls or two guys. Unfortunately, the latter still gets different treatment from a lot of people. Then again, I feel like it’s all about weird looks and not about actual confrontations.

In general, though, I feel like Germany is moving very fast in this department – and into the right direction, luckily. We’ve become very open about a lot of things in the past few years, and I hope that it will continue to be this way, since I actually really like living here.


Anyway, if you feel like sharing your own stories, go ahead, I’d be happy to read how it all went for you guys~

Also, feel free to ask questions, if you have any.

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41 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About Something Different – My Coming Out Story

  1. Waa, that was interesting. I was surprised how good your mother reacted to it. Sounds like you have warm relationships with your family. Looking forward if you post something else. I feel like personal stories can be refreshing from time to time.
    P.S. If this post not related to yuri, I don’t know which one is. 😀

    Liked by 6 people

  2. Hey, Lena! You did it! This must have been a nerve wracking thing to have done seeing as how even you say that you’re a shy kinda person, so thank you for sharing this with us. 😀

    I can’t believe you told your friends on the way back from a movie! (out of curiosity, do you remember what movie this was? Hope it was a good one.) They seemed to take it well. It seems (from how you phrased your sentences) that you’re not as close to your friends now as you were back then. Was it just drifting apart over time or do you think your coming out had something to do with it?

    I love your parents now especially your mom! I kinda get your dad’s reaction (being a parent myself) but your mom just takes it to the next level! What did your girlfriend say about the box of tissues? In my mind it’s uncomfortable chuckling. 😛 The mother of a good trans friend of mine is kinda the same way and once came home early as my friend was fooling around with her boyfriend upstairs. They quickly cleaned up and went downstairs to go out for dinner and while in the kitchen her mom coolly said (i’m translating here… the original was waaay funnier) “It’s fairly obvious that you were doing filthy things in my house again *sips coffee*”. As it turns out my friend had put the second button of her blouse into the first button hole and continued it on down – the entire thing was lopsided. 😛 I suppose your family (even your grandmother) must know on some level even without you having to vocalize it.

    As for Germany as a whole, I kind of like the idea that Germany lives up to its perceived status (at least in this part of the world) as the standard bearer for progressive thinking. I would like to see same sex marriage be a normal thing in my country too but I think that’s several generations away, frankly….

    Now, about this “super embarrassing and badly written fanfiction” of yours… 😛

    Liked by 4 people

    • First of all, that story is priceless and I never though these things would ever happen in real life, guess I was wrong 😀 at these times I’m sure we all wish we had a Camara in our hands to capture this 😀

      I unfortunately don’t remember the movie we all went to see before, though I don’t think it was that good seeing that nobody was interested in talking about the movie on the way back and rather talking about other things 😛
      To some of these friends I still have a very good connections and we meet up whenever they come back home. Most of them study now so that’s pretty hard to do. Some others I don’t see anymore. In some cases I’d even say I’m glad seeing that they changed into people I just don’t really like that much anymore. Though I would say that coming out actually made me get closer to all of them. They told me they felt like I was hiding something from them, so when it was out and everyone had enough time to digest this new information, they were all kind of relieved and very interested in it all, as in I got so many questions about sex 😛

      About the tissue box, we usually awkwardly laughed about it whenever it appeared again, it was a nice gesture though I guess 😀

      Lastly I just wanna say that I just wish that more countries would “grow up” a little in this aspect. So many seem to still be light-years away from tolerating or accepting same sex marriage or love in general and that is just sad.

      Liked by 4 people

      • Yeah, that story took place before cameras in phones were a thing (I think I had a Nokia 3310 at the time).

        I’m glad that your coming out to your friends was a generally positive experience, and that you became closer because of it, even so far as to become the font of sexual knowledge. Another thing just occurred to me: your story seems to make you out as a shy and introverted person, yet you were able to start this site. What helped you make the jump to put yourself out there? I guess it was your deep and all-consuming love for all things yuri that far outweighed any potential drawbacks?

        I can see it now… One day you’ll have a meet up with people from the blog like at Comiket or something and they will all be bringing you presents: boxes of tissues. 😛

        Speaking of countries growing up, I think that the normal everyday person’s outlook needs to change and sadly that takes time. My mom tells me that my grandfather was a HUGE homophobe (he passed away before i was born), but my mom is cool with it now. I’ve made sure that my son knows that people love who they love and with any luck, in another generation or two, people will go “same-sex marriage? Sure. In fact, why haven’t we done this sooner?”

        Oh, I love how you sidestepped your “super embarrassing and badly written fanfiction”, by the way. 😉

        Liked by 2 people

        • Haha, it definitely was my all-consuming love for this genre, that is true. I remember back then that I didn’t have many people to talk to about the yuri Anime I watched or the Manga I read. Thinking back, maybe I could have talked to them about this more, but I felt like it was something I should rather keep to myself. Only a few of my friends actually know about this blog so I guess I haven’t changed much 😛
          Still, I always had so much to say when it comes to the things I like and at some point I just convinced myself that to get it all out and possibly even talk about it with others I could simply make my own blog. Forums were not exactly what I wanted, Especially since yuri ones were rare back in the day. Though, I think it’s also important to note that you can be whoever you want to be online. I can talk about anything on here and it’s kind of freeing to just share some yuri pictures I like, be it NSFW or not and not feeling ashamed for liking what I like.
          The internet sure is awesome.

          Still, I would probably never have the courage to meet up with people, especially not if they would bring me tissue boxes as special gifts 😀

          Also can I just note that you’re doing a great job as a parent? I think it should all start with the right way if parenting. Teach them the right things and they will know to think for themselves later instead of getting influenced by whoever thinks it’s necessary to discriminate others.

          Liked by 2 people

  3. Oh wow! That was a lot more positive than I expected. It wasn’t all smiles, and your friends reacted really… weirdly… but your parents were okay-ish with it!

    Here’s an interesting question: how did you get into yuri, and was that linked to your sexuality?

    Liked by 4 people

    • I have a whole post dedicated to this question but I’m answering from my phone right now so it’s hard to find it 😀
      In short, my friends got me into Anime and my Sexuality into yuri. I actually remember how I searched for lesbian Anime like a maniac when I finished Kannazuki no Miko. I was addicted right away but I think this all happened when I already figured out that I was interested in girls anyway. Then again, it’s been a long long time.

      Liked by 5 people

  4. Lena, I wanted to reply to many of your posts but never get a chance to do it. So now when I have a few days off and my lover (not interesting in manga or anime) is off to work, the opportunity arose. It’s so heartwarming to hear the story of someone’s outing. All of us are so similar and yet, so different. I’m not just from small east european country, I’m from a small town on the furthest periphery of this small east european country. So maybe you can picture how it was growing up there. Homosexuality was something no one talked about, I didn’t even know that it existed. And then, when I was about 12, 13, I fell in love with one of my friends. I thought something was wrong with me, to love someone of the same sex was unimaginable. I succeeded in hiding my feelings, and within 2 years later my friend moved. During high school, I was fooling around with boys, but it wasn’t love, and I didn’t talk about my first and still only love with anyone. Then, I went to college. Big city, many people, new places… It didn’t take long for me to meet my first girlfriend, and we were together for 3 years. During that time I wanted to share my everyday life with my closest friends and family, and to do that I felt that I must be sincere ’cause they were, and still are very important to me, well, at least some of them. I was so afraid of being let down by people I care about, really nerve-wracking. So my outing was individually, from the least to the most judgmental one. At first I was happy that some of them, who are not in favor of gay people, are willing to make an exception for my sake. It didn’t take me long to realize that, in time, their opinions toward other gay people didn’t change. And that is where I draw the line. If you are not accepting cultural, religious, national and sexual minorities you can’t be someone close to me. So now I have my circle of friends, very big circle, I learned that I am not lesbian, but bi (I was in love with a man).Yes, I had to answer a lot of questions, did I ever fall in love in one of my friends, how is sex, etc. I remember one day I was drinking honey brandy with my friends and we talked about exes and sex, it was quite interesting. I’m very happy with my girlfriend, and I enjoy everyday life.

    Btw, I’m from Serbia, so I will share something about the situation here. The majority is indifferent, sex is something between two, or more, people, between four walls. The problem begins when it is about someone close to them. They are aware that there is LGBTQ community somewhere out there, but far, far away. But when it is in their homes, they are very bad in dealing with that. Of course there are exceptions. Many thinks that now when we have lesbian Prime Minister situation is better, but it is a lie. LGBTQ community lives as before, and that will change only if ordinary people accept us. But it is very different if you are gay in Belgrade, or in some village. If you live in the countryside you are on your own. Of course, we can’t even imagine having legalised gay weddings. And yes, here also gays are more discriminated than lesbians. However, next year I will go to my post-PhD studies in Dresden.

    I don’t like that people here always have image of lesbians like tomboys, my girlfriend and I are very feminine and so is the majority of lesbians or bi that I know. So there are many prejudices about us here. In our relationship there are no man or woman roles, we love, support and cherish each other. Sorry it’s such a long comment.

    Liked by 4 people

    • First of all, thanks a lot for sharing this and of course, welcome 🙂
      I know that this is not Easy to talk about, especially if you were met with judgment and the like before. Though, I do think you made the right decision of only being with the friends that accept you and are open enough to accept others, even if their life style might be different from theirs. I still wonder why it’s so hard for so many people to accept different life styles and different believes, but oh well…
      I actually never heard anything regarding homosexuality when it comes to Serbia, so that’s really interesting to hear. Actually, for me Serbia is rather one of those countries that we Really just never hear about at all. I have a feeling that its different when it comes to Germany for some reason 😀

      Lastly, I think many people only imagine lesbians as tomboys because those are the only ones they can easily spot as such. I doubt you can make out lesbians on the streets just by their looks, so if people can only make out tomboys as lesbians that’s the image they have of lesbians in general.
      My friends were actually surprised too, because they didn’t see how that would fit my image either. So that’s that 😛

      Liked by 3 people

  5. Wow! Thank you for sharing! I got to know new things about Germany once again.

    I guess I really like your story. I’ve always loved listening to people talking about how they came out in YouTube and other sites so I’m glad I got to listen to my number one idol’s story.

    As for my country, I guess we still have some way to go. Sure, the population can tolerate seeing two girls or boys holding hand, hugging and kissing but you will always meet people who will badmouth them or roll their eyes. Since my country is rather poor, Christianity is very spread and people think they only have the truth and see homosexuality as a taboo. However, some people like myself are trying to convince them that we are far from being devils. I myself have been trying to help my sister get over her homophobia and it’s progressing slowly but surely. If everyone else do act like that, we should be fine in ten years or so.

    On side note, near the beginning of this year, our president has declared in the media that he wanted to sign and legalize same sex marriage but the higher ups in the church and several ministeries like moral opinion were against so… I’m still waiting for that day however. I won’t lose hope.

    Also, I forgot to mention; I can’t wait for self marriage (or whatever they call it). I can’t wait to marry myself :p

    Anyway, thank you again for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I might have asked that already but I have to do it again, where are you from? I assume it’s not Europe, right?
      I’m glad to see that you’re working hard to get your sister to see that it’s all just normal. I wonder how you guys can even be so different when you grew up together. Then again you see things very differently if you’re gay yourself 😛

      Also what, self marriage? 😀 Can’t wait to make a very special person very happy… myself 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh! Sorry for forgetting. I am from Madagascar, a country who has lot of origins. To summarize, we are descendents of both the Arabs, Indonesians, Africans and Spanish (and a little of French). We have lot of diversity here.

        As for my sister, she was educated along other Christian children and others. Plus, the school she went to has been very strict about these stuff. I on the other hand was never the religious type. I did attend religion classes but I was not very convinced about their ideology. Now long later, I found out about Yuri and Yaoi and started fully supporting LGBT while still sometimes attending assembly at the church from times to times.

        And yes; the one I wish to share the rest of myself is the one who has always been by my side since I was born, the one who has shared all tears and grief and never left me. I am not that selfish but I guess I can’t see myself getting with anyone else.

        Liked by 1 person

        • What a way if saying it, but then again, it’s best to always do what you feel most comfortable with. Still, I’m positive that there is someone out there for everyone 😛

          Like

  6. Wow, thanks for sharing your story with us Lena! Glad you went through a mostly positive experience when you came out to your friends and family. 🙂 This was really interesting to read and it’s cool you are so open to your followers and readers. It’s posts like these make it easy for me to consider this the best yuri fan site around! 😀 Part of your story reminded me of one of my yuri friends as well! 😛

    Liked by 3 people

    • You’re as always too nice to me, but I of course take all the praise 😀
      Seems like your friend had a mostly positive experience as well or did she get weird presents from her parents? 😀

      Liked by 3 people

  7. This was such a wonderful story to share with us, so thank you!
    What struck me first was just how drama free it was, it seems Germany is quite forward thinking (same where I live in left coast USA).
    Your Mom totally cracked me up and her not so subtle way of giving you the thumbs up. She must have went out and bought a multi-pack in anticipation.

    And having ‘nothing to do with yuri’? Well, this was the first thing that came to mind when you came out to your friends:
    https://dynasty-scans.com/chapters/secret_of_the_princess_ch04#2
    Well, not all the specific reactions, but the sheer variety you experienced (so glad for the one hug you got).

    Thanks for having the courage to share such a personal experience with us!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Oh lol that is a fitting scene, no hugs for her though 😀
      Im also very glad how this all went, I’m sure if I’ve had a less pleasant experience it would have taken way more for me to post this.

      Liked by 2 people

  8. Thanks for sharing, Lena. Always happy to hear a positive coming out story. ^_^ I think the younger audience will appreciate it.

    I’ve contemplated living in Germany. Ample job opportunity in my field, solid government, and overall open to change. Too bad it’s not easy moving across the world. Maybe one day. This next segment is for all my queer Asian peeps out there ;D

    Now I’m obligated to share my story. 😛 I’ve always known I liked girls. So I’m from the US and grew up in the South with a conservative Asian family. To Asians, homo = shame to the family, which became apparent when my gay cousin came out in high school and received mostly negative reactions. That was about 10 years ago, and now, he literally lives a thousand miles away from his family. For me, I just out right told a few of my cousins that I liked girls, and only one of them had a mixed reaction. His reaction was the same towards the other gay cousin as well. Funnily enough, the gay cousin always knew I was a gay baby before I ever came out.

    But before coming out to the cousins, I came out to a friend and went slowly from there. Some people knew for a long time, and others who didn’t know me as well were surprised. Regardless, since I went to a Christian school, I still had to keep on the DL or else I would’ve gotten expelled (in the school’s words, “asked to leave”), which would’ve been shameful to my family. It’s in our student handbook that being a homosexual student was against policy. Even then, everyone knew I was a lesbian in school or at least had a hunch, and people were either very mean to me or at least sympathetic. The mean dudes were super homophobic and spoke derogatory things about me to others, and the mean girls gossiped shit about me, saying stuff like I wanted to get in bed and were in love with all of them. Funny thing is that I never talked to them, much less expressed interest in any of them.

    Going into university, I was still afraid of coming out, since I was basically forced to stay in the closet for so long. Fortunately because I had supportive classmates, friends, and colleagues in university, I became more comfortable with myself, and don’t hesitate as much to be openly gay. I say “hesitate,” because I still haven’t come out to most of my family. My immediate family has had a lot happen to us in the past 10 years, so there never was a good time to say anything. Now that we’re comfortable with our broken up, dysfunctional family, maybe it’s time to say something. Even though I don’t think they’ll see me the same way again, I’m mostly confident that my family will still love me the same.

    Liked by 4 people

    • What a story! Thanks a lot for sharing 🙂
      I’m sorry to hear that you had such a hard time dealing with it, but at the same time the way you say it makes you sound like such a strong person. Getting bullied for something that you can’t even help or should change from the beginning is just the worst…

      I think if you can’t be sure about the reactions you should always take your time and observe first. It’s so shitty that we still have to do that instead of just saying something that is normal anyway, but seeing how things are in your family it’s always better to be a little more careful I think….

      Also, about moving to Germany, let’s just say I know someone who did. It’s absolutely not easy, but I think it’s worth the effort. Germany is awesome in many ways, I really never wanna leave this place. Just always keep in mind that getting in here is easy, but being allowed to stay isn’t. Well, unless you marry some German girl that is 😛

      Liked by 2 people

  9. I know Shrikes tried, but I can’t help but still be curious about that fanfiction.
    Since asking directly seems to go nowhere, maybe I’ll just speculate wildly about what that story MIGHT have been about? 😛

    Here are two possibilities:

    -It was a Xena WP story where Xena teaches Gabrielle how to ‘handle’ her Chakram.

    -It was a NanoFate story where Fate has the hiccups. Nanoha convinces her to try all kinds of crazy cures, and (of course) none of them work. What finally does the trick is an attempt to get Fate to hold her breathe, which somehow involves a kiss from Nanoha. Dawww…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Omg lol, sorry it took me so long to reply but seeing this now just makes me crack up 😀
      Sorry though, none of these. I neither like Xena, nor was nanofate a thing back then 😛
      Though, this sounds like your own story idea, huh? 😛

      Liked by 2 people

      • Haha, no worries! 🙂

        Picked those based on the date they came out as a guess, but yeah, Nanoha was not early enough, huh.
        And no fair trying to turn the tables on me! Those just came off the top of my head! 😛 Though the NanoFate one does sound like it would be pretty cute…
        *cough* Anyways, at this point my next guess would be Pokemon. But I never got into it, so I don’t really have a story to pitch 😦

        Liked by 2 people

    • Finally some back-up! Thanks for this, Shadesan! I mention it twice and get the cold shoulder both times! 😛

      I was thinking along the lines of a Harry Potter fanfic myself… Hmmm… German girl bands… drawing a blank (I can almost hear Lena’s sigh of relief). It’ll probably be written in German too and unless the story is written at the kindergarden reading level (or is a picture book), that probably rules out an chance of me reading it even if we do find it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Okay okay, so here’s some more useless information that won’t get you two anywhere, but have it since you seem so interested 😛
        It’s not a German girl band, and also not an American or Asian one. Bet that totally doesn’t really limit it in any way 😛
        Also, it is written in German and you can’t find it on the internet anymore. You probably won’t believe me, but I don’t even have it on my computer anymore – it must have at least been 12 years 😛

        Liked by 2 people

        • Hmmm… Lena doesn’t want to tell us but keeps dangling facts in front of us. 😛 May as well take a stab at it. 😀

          It’s not German, American or Asian, and at least 12 years ago… you know something about all the things you said keeps running through my head, but it’s not enough… 😉

          By the way, I’ve always wondered how you pronounce of Lena. Is it “Lean-ah”, “Len-ah” or “Lay-na” (like Elena)?

          Like

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